Monday, July 05, 2004

Vanity Cards

Here's a link which is via no-one -- I discovered it my own self. Chuck Lorre's Vanity Cards

Chuck Lorre was the producer on Dharma and Greg, the re-runs of which I watched regularly all last year. I maintain that it was a clever show, with likable title characters and more creativity than most sitcoms, even if they did sometimes rely too heavily on the stereotyped parents for some cheap laughs. Anyway, at some point I noticed a full screen of text that disappeared after about two seconds, which was just enough time for me to figure out that it was different every time, not enough for me to read it. So I sought it out on the internet, and found they said stuff like...

'Thank you for videotaping "Dharma & Greg" and freeze-framing on my vanity card. I'd like to take this opportunity to share with you some of my personal beliefs. I believe that everyone thinks they can write. This is not true. It is true, however, that everyone can direct. I believe that the Laws of Karma do not apply to show business, where good things happen to bad people on a fairly regular basis. I believe that what doesn't kill us makes us bitter. I believe that the obsessive worship of movie, TV and sports figures is less likely to produce spiritual gain than praying to Thor. I believe that Larry was a vastly underrated Stooge, without whom Moe and Curly could not conform to the comedy law of three (thanks, Lee). I believe my kids are secretly proud of me. I believe that if you can't find anything nice to say about people whom you've helped to make wildly successful and then they stabbed you in the back, then don't say anything at all. I believe I have a great dog, maybe the greatest dog in the whole wide world, yes, he is! I believe that beer is a gateway drug that leads, inevitably, to vodka and somebody oughta do something about it. I believe that when ABC reads this, I'm gonna be in biiiig trouble. I believe that Tina Turner's "River Deep, Mountain High", is the greatest rock song ever recorded. Once again, thanks for watching "Dharma & Greg". Please be sure to tune in again to this vanity card for more of my personal beliefs.'

The next day he says he "I erroneously believed that beer was a gateway drug that led to vodka. After intensive consultation with ABC executives, I now believe I was very, very wrong. Beer is good. Especially beer brewed by major manufacturers, and enjoyed in a responsible fashion" On the site he notes, "This was my retraction which, amazingly enough, the ABC censor was happy with."

There's a lot more. Stuff about Buddhism. A couple of depressing short stories, because he was apparently going through some kind of nervous breakdown. A thank-you note to the King of Jordan, who apparently watches the show. More tweaking of the censors (there used to be a whole section of the site that lists stuff that got censored out. Now I can't find it... Mostly Abby being earthy.) Lots of sarcasm. Just browse though, jump around a little. You'll like this guy. You'll love that he got away with broadcasting this stuff on national television, even for two seconds per screenful.

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